1/6/2024 0 Comments Malody fletcher![]() You can get mad at anyone or anything, but never direct the anger inwards. Rule #3: Get angry with anyone or anything EXCEPT yourselfĪnd finally, never, EVER get angry with yourself. No one that truly loves you would ever ask you to do that. But using the fact that you love them as an excuse not to acknowledge how you feel will keep you stuck in powerlessness. Being angry with someone doesn’t mean that you no longer care about them. You can love someone and still hate them in the moment. Also remember that this is not an all or nothing game. But you have to be willing to express how you truly feel, so that you can get it out of you and move on. You might even curse like a sailor (this is highly recommended, actually, especially if you don’t normally curse). When you have a long overdue anger release, what comes out of you will not be pretty. That doesn’t mean you should keep them in. If toxins have been festering inside you for ages they will not look or smell great as they come out. This is where the emotional poop metaphor comes in handy. Other people get in the way of a constructive anger release. This is not the same as letting off a little steam. You’ll feel tired and spent (or possibly euphoric, although that usually comes later), but you won’t feel angry any more. In order to have a full anger release you have to keep going until you simply don’t feel angry any more. Often, people will shut down your anger by getting even angrier than you. Very few people are able to handle someone’s anger constructively. If you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings, you’re not going to allow the anger release to come to its conclusion, which means you won’t actually shift much energy. I do, however, have three ironclad rules for having a constructive anger release that you should never break:Īs I already said, it’s best not to have anyone present (especially not the object of your anger) during your anger release. Choose whatever activity you like, it really doesn’t matter as long as it works for you. Physical movement gets energy flowing, which can make quick work of an anger release. You can also write a letter to them that you’ll never send, which will also help you to direct your fury outwards.Īnother method is to do something physical, like take a brisk walk, stamp your feet or punch some couch cushions. Although you can pretend that they’re in the room while you yell at them. Again, the object of your anger does not have to, and actually should not, be present. Releasing anger can happen in a variety of ways, but it’s always best to express it and direct it AT someone or something. You’re not creating an emotion that wasn’t there you’re simply allowing a toxic sludge that’s been festering inside you for quite some time to come out. Always remember that as these emotions come up to be released, they’ve been there all along. You can’t put the hex on them by having angry thoughts about them. I promise you, you are not harming them in any way. It also doesn’t matter whom you’re directing your anger towards, as long as it’s not you. So, yes, you can rail against them, but not to their faces. You’ll attract people who have no desire or need to try and control you. When you fully embrace this new, self-empowered perspective, your reality will mirror it back to you. This is about you not allowing yourself to be manipulated any more. Do not rail against them and demand that they stop manipulating you. This is not about forcing others to make a change so you can feel better. It’s not about getting anyone to understand how you feel. This is not about what they need to hear. They never even have to know that you’ve used them as an excuse to become more empowered. When you push self- blame outwards and you blame someone else, you don’t have to do it to their face. This is why it’s not a bad thing to blame others, as long as you’re doing so constructively. Why not? Because the anger release isn’t about THEM. The object of the anger (the person you’re angry at) is generally NOT present. If, in your anger, you tell your mother you hate her, punch a hole in the wall, or worst of all, turn the anger inwards at yourself, you’ll end up with feelings of guilt, unworthiness, depression and, at worst, you’ll end up in jail where your powerlessness is highly amplified.Ī constructive anger release happens in a safe environment, generally alone or possibly with a trained practitioner of some kind (look for someone who can handle anger). In fact, a destructive anger release always leads to greater powerlessness and a perpetuation of more anger. None of those are part of the ultimate goal of feeling better. You either hurt someone, something or yourself. When you release anger destructively, it means just that: it’s destructive.
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